Storms and Loss

Where do we go when there is no way to get out of the rain, the wind and the storm around us? The storms come in many forms and it seems as if they are for the sole purpose of destroying us; that’s the way they make us feel anyway. My current storm is the loss of my forty three year old sister Michele. She was a beautiful person on so many levels and we were knit at the heart from a young age enduring many challenges in our turbulent childhood. She had the ability to call your bluff when she knew the truth about you and always sought to make everyone around her feel as if they had the best friend in the world when they met her.

It is difficult to lose someone so close to you, realizing you will never again in this lifetime hold their hand, hug them, laugh with or cry with them. It is difficult to look into the eyes of your mother and not be able to comprehend the pain of losing a child. Striving to hold everyone together and be a stabilizing force when everything seems to crumble around your loved ones is a humbling experience. It builds something I sense, although I am not sure what it is as of yet. My grief is beyond words, but sometimes there is nothing to say, just to weep seems to help.

As I watch the news reports of the tragedy in Haiti I can’t help but to empathize with those who have lost someone they love or are not sure where they are in the chaos. I pray for the mothers who have to grieve this week. Their hearts are as broken as my mother’s I know. Their storm runs deep within their hearts and few of us can comprehend that. Where do we go in the midst of the storms? It feels like no matter the refuge we still feel the wind and the driving rain of grief and pain.

There is an account of Jesus walking in the midst of the storm in sixth chapter of Mark. In this account He saw them as He was “intending to pass them by” and came to them even though they did not immediately recognize them. He spoke to them to calm their hearts and then calmed the storm as He joined them. I find myself in the same situation at times in that I can’t recognize Him in the middle of it all. I want to see Him and even when I am not afraid, the reality is that sometimes it is just hard to see or hear Him.

I think He sometimes calms the storm before we recognize Him and I believe He sometimes speaks to us before He calms the storm. Either way I have to believe He is walking through it all, near and wanting to join me in the midst. I think the key is to find the silent place within our own hearts even in the noise of it all. Find sight of Him even if our vision is obscured and provide a place where He can rest with us, causing us to rest, reclining on His chest as John did.

That is my prayer for us all this week; to find Him in the midst of the storms whatever they may be and let Him give us rest. I ask that our vision be cleared to see Him and hear Him. I pray that we find a quiet place within ourselves to let Him dwell as the winds die down. I ask for Him to quiet the heart of fear within with His words that only we can hear; “Take heart, it is me, Jesus”.

I will miss you until I see you again Michele and I know you can no longer come to me. But you know this Shelly; I will come to you……